The Long, Horrible Goodbye

I’m receiving a lot of emails from readers and viewers sending me well wishes and asking if I’m okay. I sincerely appreciate all your positive thoughts. I want to assure you, I am fine although I’ve definitely gained back weight (more on that in a different post).

I’ve mentioned this before, but yes, we will be making videos again. We’re thinking as soon as spring of 2021. We’ve had few detours the last couple of years – some awesome, some challenging and one that is truly horrible.

On a positive note, my husband took on a huge project – he wrote 4 books – over the last 16 months. When he wasn’t working his real job he devoted all his spare time to writing – so he couldn’t man the camera in our kitchen. I am incredibly proud of him.

As for the horrible, for more than 2 years my attention started shifting from making cooking videos to my mom. Something was very wrong and earlier this year we got an official diagnosis — Lewy Body dementia.

I noticed early signs back in 2015 — anxiety, depression, and lack of sleep. But I attributed it to dad passing away. She also tended to shuffle her feet when she walked, which she blamed on her arthritis. Then there were unexplained bouts of vertigo.

About a year later, I noticed she became more agitated and restless towards the evening but it completely escaped me that she was sundowning.

Then everything changed in 2018 after mom broke her hip and leg from two falls. I remember a warning the orthopedic surgeon gave me after mom’s hip replacement. She said that about 30% die within a year of surgery because an underlying health issue accelerates.

Well, my mom’s dementia hit the gas pedal. For weeks after her first surgery, everyone – doctors, nurses, physical therapists – were telling me that her hallucinations were due to the anesthesia and the elderly take longer to recover. Then there was the extreme emotional swings, paranoia, memory loss, confusion, depression, and the lack of sleep. My sense is those symptoms were present before the surgery. It’s just that she was living with me after her release from the skilled nursing facility. Mom couldn’t hide anything from me.

It was her primary doctor who told us she had dementia and sent us to a neurologist to see if they could determine the type of dementia. Some you can treat with medication. Unfortunately, Lewy Body isn’t one of them.

The last few years have been hard as mom disappears. This is the woman who loved reading, going to school, and studying all things science. She started college when I was 5 years old, graduated medical school when I was 12 and practiced medicine for 30 years. Now she can’t care for herself. All I can do is watch as her mind unravels.

They call dementia the long goodbye. It is, and it’s horrible.