Keto Reset Day 16: A Late Night Victory

Yesterday was a bad day. I woke up cranky. I don’t know why. But dang it, I was not someone not to be trifled with.

Well my mom woke up in a similar mood. I should have saw it coming the day before. We briefly chatted about giving up her apartment and looking for assisted living arrangements. The last time we had this chat, she was an emotional wreck for a few days. I should have learned from that…but I didn’t.

Now she was on a mission. And it was going to be accomplished. Period.

We headed to her apartment to get her wedding ring set. Perfectly reasonable…but that doesn’t mean that “Cranky Dot” liked it.

However she wasn’t 100%. Her arthritis was bad this morning. Every move was painful. She felt really tired – I thought she was still recovering from a cold. And her breathing at times was labored.

There was a lot of walking involved to get to apartment. Much further than she has walked since breaking her hip. Physically she overexerted herself.

But there was the emotional side of this trip too. She was overwhelmed. Coming back to her apartment was hard. I think she is really starting to understand that she won’t be living her again. But wanted to prove herself, and me, wrong.

The result was a way too stressful day…for both of us. Tempers flared at times. She had a lot of near misses and almost ended up on her backside. So of course my frustration mounted.

After spending all morning together, it was time to get her to her physical therapy and a much-needed break for me.

Don’t get me wrong. Any other time we spend ½ a day in close proximity to each other it is a very good day. We have fun. But today, was a special supersonic black hole of emotional mess for both of us.

Mindfulness vs. Wine & Chocolate Pudding Cake
So what did I do? I was hungry and went out to eat. Yes I ordered low carb – a bun-less bacon cheeseburger with a side of grilled broccolini. Perfect. Until the wine showed up.

Before ordering the wine, I pulled out my phone and turned on my meditation app. Surely there was a 2 minute meditation to take help me relax in a busy, loud restaurant.

Maybe…but “Cranky Dot” wasn’t falling for it. Soon “Cranky Dot” morphed into “Self-Pity Dot” and she ordered one more glass…and was eyeing the chocolate pudding cake.

Thankfully “Keto Dot” appeared and stopped me half way through the second glass and turned my attention to the full water glass on the table. I ended up drinking 2 of those.

About 90 minutes later, mom was ready and I picked her up. She needed to rest and went up for a nap.

Emotionally spent, I scrapped plans for cleaning out the basement. I thought the drama for the day was done. While I was upset I ordered those 2 glasses of el vino, I was happy I pushed that damn cake out of my mind. Plus, my first reaction was to turn on my meditation app. It didn’t work this time, but I did reach for it first!  So it was a partial victory.

Evening In The Emergency Room
Unfortunately the day wasn’t done. A few hours later mom had a bad fall. She was reaching into the closet for her robe and fell backwards. Besides worrying that the bad hip might have a crack, she hit her head…hard.

The next several hours were spent in the emergency room, waiting for the CT scans, x-rays, blood work and lab results. Thankfully no breaks…just a lot of bruises. But her iron levels are too low. She can’t absorb iron that well thanks to her bariatric surgery many decades ago. Which looks to be the cause of her tiredness, shortness of breath and sluggish movements.

While waiting for the results I had a personal victory. Over the last few months, any visit to the hospital always resulted in a trip to the vending machine. When you are a stress eater, quality of food doesn’t matter.

Last night. I wasn’t interested.

When we got home very early this morning, I experienced another victory. I made a small meal for mom (she missed dinner). The hubby pulled out a small box of wine that I use for cooking. He poured me a glass. I said no thanks and went to bed.

Refusing wine…granted it was crappy box wine so not too difficult to pass on. But all things considered, it still is a small victory.


Meditation Explained

Ugh! I never knew it was so stressful trying to destress.  I downloaded an app to help me with practicing mindfulness (a.k.a. meditation). The app – Insight Timer — is good, but I’m spending a lot of time searching for “guided” sessions to help me release anxiety and with sleep.

I think the skeptic in me has a hard time buying into the concept of fighting stress by just “being in the moment” and focusing on my “breath.”  So I’m not giving the recordings a fair shot.

With all my frustration with mindfulness, I turned to the only source I could think of to help me let go of my resistance to meditation: Ultra Spiritualist JP Sears.

I met with a new doctor last week (I’ll post about that meeting tomorrow) and she suggested a few recordings to check out. Of course I didn’t…until now. With my insomnia, I just don’t have the energy to be overly critical anymore. So this morning I’m checking out the doc’s recommendations. Hopefully the search ends soon and I can start relaxing and sleeping again.