My cucumber water was no match for my stomach. There just wasn’t enough water to keep hunger at bay.

Well my scheduled 3-day fast went up in smoke. Once again I was super tired after my radiation treatment. I planned to take an hour nap then start on my chores (you know, keep busy so I don’t think about my rumbling stomach). Turns out I couldn’t nap. And when I tried to get up, I had no energy. So I lay in bed for a couple of hours  listening to my stomach get louder and louder.

There wasn’t enough water, bone broth or tea in my house to quell my hunger.

I broke down and ate a hard-boiled egg.

Yes I technically broke the fast with that egg, but the amount of food was so small compared to a normal day. I thought if I could hold out until the next morning I can kick my fast into high gear.

I chased the egg with 24 ounces of water. But my tummy persisted. Rather than spend the rest of the day staying close to the bathroom, I admitted defeat and ate dinner. 

What Went Wrong?
At first I blamed the fast failure on the fact that I haven’t been as strict with my carbs lately. I’ve been eating more in the moderate to liberal carb ranges (between 50-100g a day). And frankly the  frozen custard I ate before my fast wasn’t too smart.

My body is essentially shedding the sugar and refined carbs I’ve eaten. While it’s no low carb flu, it does make fasting more difficult.

Then I starting asking myself, “Why am I eating like this?” That’s when I stumbled upon what’s really going on.

As much as I try eating for health, right now it’s all about comfort.

When my energy level is high, I feel great and eat normal. But on treatment days all I think about is cancer. Then fatigue sets in and I think even more about cancer because I can’t do anything else. And when that’s all you’re thinking about, it’s real easy to start feeling sorry for yourself. On treatment days (and the day after) I demand pampering.

Sort of explains all the eating out we’ve been doing. High energy days I’m happy and in having fun in the kitchen. But on treatment days (and when the fatigue sets in), I want someone to serve, cook for and clean up after me.

Righting The Diet
Now that I’ve realized my emotions are messing me up, it’s time to finally right the ship and get sugar and the excess carbs out of my diet. So when I need pampering, I’m looking at other outlets instead of food. After my last treatment, I got a spa pedicure, the first one in more than 3 months. I didn’t think of the dreaded “C” word at all. I was just happy that I was doing some much needed maintenance on some very dry feet.

Following today’s treatment, I’m heading to my local bookstore for a new cookbook. The radiation ends next week so that means a visit to my salon for highlights and a hair cut.

As for the fatigue, my oncologist suggested that it could be tied to how little I’m exercising. I’ve limited myself to short walks in my neighborhood. I’m cleared to do more but haven’t taken advantage of it yet. While parkour isn’t in my future just yet, some light weight training and a 5-mile hike are on tap this week.

With treatments ending next week, I’m putting a hold on multiple day fast until next month. Instead I’m focusing on getting back to basics with my eating habits and getting my head in the right space.